Unexpected Hiatus

I didn’t exactly mean to be MIA from instagram lately. 

Apple released its latest iOS update in the middle of September and with it came a slew of new analytics about my phone usage. It reset my screen time settings to default, so I started getting a screen time report every Sunday afternoon that held my average usage data and how I was using my phone. 

Turns out, I was spending on average four hours a day on my phone. I basically never feel like I have time for everything, so how is it that I have four hours to sit on my phone every day? I know for a fact, that its not laying in bed and looking at my phone and trying not to drop it on my face into the wee hours of the morning, because I’m ASLEEP by 9:30pm every night (#momlife). 

As I dug into the data on this, it turns out I was spending over half that time in the “social networking” category. To be fair, the iPhone considers text messaging to be “social networking” which is a categorization that I disagree with. At least there is a back and forth relationship with a real person when it comes to texting, as opposed to a content creator/consumer relationship as is common on instagram and facebook. But back to the point. Over half of my time on my phone was spent on social networking. Mindlessly scrolling instagram and facebook. Gross. 

I’ve spent a long time justifying to myself my phone usage, with things like “I’m a photographer, in a media driven society, I HAVE to participate.” Or “It’s mostly for business.” But having a child has made me more aware of myself. Lord knows Ransom knows my phone exists, and chances are he’s picked up on how important to me it is, even though he’s only 13 months.

Did you know that something like 80% of adults think that they’re good role models for their children/adolescents when it comes to screen time? Did you also know that on average those adults are spending 7.5 hours a day in front of one type of screen or another doing non work related things? (I have an actual source for this so, don’t @ me about the statistics.)

Thats nuts you guys. I don’t want to be a part of that statistic. I don’t want my baby to see my staring at my phone all the time, I don’t want him to grow up resenting me for my screen time double standard. If we’re going to have good boundaries about screen time in our our house, it starts with me. Modeling, my friends…. modeling. 

So I moved some things around on my phone. First, I deleted all the games. I don’t need to be playing phone games, and I don’t want them on my phone when Ransom gets older. Also, it was mostly just solitaire, because I’m definitely an old lady. 

After that, I turned off all notifications for instagram and facebook and put them on the second page of a folder in my phone.

For a couple days, I’d pick up my phone and accidentally open my pictures app, because it was in the spot where instagram used to be. I’d mindlessly check my phone at a stop light, and remember that notifications were turned off, so no wonder I didn’t have any. I’d pick it up when I was bored and remember there was nothing fun to do on my phone anymore. It was really strange, and incredibly illuminating. I was/am definitely addicted to my phone, and I was looking for a hit.

This realization has made me so much more intentional about my phone usage. I actually have to consciously decide to go check instagram or facebook, and then remember which folder I put them in. I stopped looking at my phone at stoplights. I stopped carrying it around the house with me. I made my phone boring. I made it a tool as it should be, not a source of entertainment.

Then I started getting competitive with myself about how little time I could spend on my phone. I think I got down to one hour total one day which included all of my work related stuff. By the time my Sunday usage report popped up, I was down 86% from the last week. 

I spent 86% less time on my phone over the course of the week by simply moving my apps around and deleting the games. The best part, was that I didn’t actually miss instagram. 

In fact, as I’ve loosened up my rigidity this week, I’m noticing stress and social anxiety creeping back in when I’m on social media platforms. Questions like “Doesn’t anyone even care about me, because I was gone for a week and no one noticed” or “Does Reluctant Mother even matter, because I’ve only gained 15 followers since it launched in April.” As if what matters is the followers. 

What matters is my actual life, and my actual family, and social media can be beautiful and wonderful, but the life I’m living in the real world is better. THAT is what I want to model to my kid. Turns out, all I had to do was move my apps.

In the future if I find myself in the same position, all I have to do is move my apps again. It doesn’t have to be hard folks. You just have to pay attention.