Mothers Day

I was about 20 weeks pregnant on mother’s s day last year. It was an awkward and painful day for me, I cringed every time someone wished me happy Mother’s Day because I still hadn’t come to terms with my new title. At the church we were attending at the time they “honored” mothers by giving away gift cards to those who had been a mother the longest/shortest or who had the most children. I was sitting in the chair PRAYING that our pastor wouldn’t give me a “bun in the oven” gift card. The whole ordeal was mor-ti-fy-ing. Honestly I should have skipped church that day. A year later I’m much more at peace with my role.

I see motherhood as a hat I wear. I wear the wife hat, I wear the photographer hat, I wear a sun hat. They’re all just facets of who I am. Pieces of me that come together to make the whole. motherhood has uncovered a new facet for sure, but essentially I’m still me.

I cant tell you how relieved I am to be able to write that. I honestly thought I would completely lose myself once I had children. That momming would overtake me and I would happily drown in bottles and swaddles. That all of a sudden the only thing that would matter to me anymore would be this little child, and he would also be the only thing I’d ever want to talk about. Bye ambition, bye career, bye husband, bye friends.

Thankfully that’s not what happened. I was back to work by 6 weeks post-partum not because I had to be, but because I was going INSANE momming all the time and going to work was a much needed break. I’ve had an abundance of creative energy, and have been pouring that into a blog that I never (wanted) thought I’d start. I still like the same things, I still care about the same things. Im still me.

Im still salty and cynical, Im still an outgoing introvert. Im still kind and loving towards those who I’m close with. I still thrift and read and do yoga.

I also sleep less, and weirdly my body makes milk, and I likely have spit up on my shirt but under all that is still my resting bitch face, so I haven’t changed that much.

So if you are out there reluctantly pregnant, worried that motherhood is going to change you. It will, but not like you think. You will still be you.

The photo in this post is by @brookerockphoto