What to do when you are about to lose your sh*t

A while ago I asked my instagram followers what I should write about and someone submitted this to the question box. I both appreciate the wording of the question, and the sentiment behind it given that I’m pretty sure the asker had a newborn at the time.

Let me start with a story…

Once upon a time, I had a 3 month old who was being a butthead and had been crying for NO REASON for about a half hour and I had about had enough of him. The Viking in his infinite wisdom grabbed the little butthead from me and took him to the living room and turned around and said to me “You need to chill the #*%& out” in the most loving but firm way anyone has ever said that phrase to me.

I quickly and loudly retorted “HE needs to chill the #@%& out!” The Viking looked back at me carefully and said very gently, “Shelli, he’s a baby.”

Oh yeah.

My baby wasn’t trying to piss me off by crying for funsies, he was just being a baby. He was just being himself, and maybe his tummy hurt or he was overstimulated. Maybe he was just going through something that day, I don’t know. But I do know whatever it was, his goal was not to make me miserable… He’s a baby. Being a baby is hard.

Here’s what I do on days like that, when I’m about to lose my sh*t:

Step back and take a deep breath. And I mean physically step back. Step away from your screaming child for a minute, they’ll be fine, and then take a deep breath. Deep breathing lowers blood pressure and gets more oxygen to your brain. You know, the part of your body responsible for rational decisions… Take a few calming breaths and then go from there.

Put yourself in their shoes. Your baby has one way to communicate with you — crying. Your baby can’t understand that if they’ll just lay still you’ll be able to change their freaking diaper in like 30 seconds and it will all be over faster. All they know is that they’re cheeks to the wind and they don’t like it. I mean, do you blame them? Maybe they’re having a meltdown because they’re tired. Didn’t you have a daily meltdowns from exhaustion and sleep deprivation when they were newborns? A lot of the stuff babies cry about is pretty understandable. You could probably have a little grace for what they’re going through.

Make sure your own needs are met. I realized early on most of the time when I was frustrated with my kid, it was because one of my own needs hadn’t been met. Maybe I was hungry, maybe I needed to pump and my boobs hurt like hell or I needed to pee for the last three hours. Maybe I needed a nap too. For me, hunger is the biggest one. I can’t be nice when I’m hungry. I started filtering myself, and decided that that if I was still upset when I was finished eating than the feelings were legitimate, other than that it was just the hunger talking. This method has definitely saved me from picking a few fights with the Viking, and I don’t know how many times I’ve had to say “I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.” (side note: I was always a little like this, but pregnancy and breast-feeding has made this 12049823498 times worse. I still need to eat about every 2 hours in order to be nice to people. Its okay to give yourself some grace for this, you’re still sustaining another human life with your body, but you should also start carrying granola bars around with you.)

Remember that you are the adult. You are the one with higher reasoning and self control and a more developed brain. Exercise those abilities. Your baby isn’t trying to make your life harder. Their feelings don’t actually have to ruin your day. You don’t have to let anyone’s feelings ruin your day.

What should you do when you are about to lose your sh*t?

Chill the f*ck out.