23 weeks
At 23 weeks I felt like everyone could tell I was pregnant. Looking back now, I probably could have hidden it for a few more weeks with loose clothing and my resting bitch face but most people who mattered knew by then anyway. I had finally stopped feeling sick all the time, and the kicking had started. A constant reminder that my life was about to change, and that my little parasite was still alive in there, swimming laps.
At 20 weeks we found out the gender. I could lie and tell you that we were going to be okay with either gender and that all we wanted was a healthy baby, but 10/10 we wanted a boy. The ultrasound tech asked us what we wanted to do about finding out the gender, and I’m pretty sure I said something to the effect of “Tell me now.” She told us that would be the first thing she’d look at, but when the ultrasound started, she was like “Sorry guys, I’ve got a really good view of his heart right now, so the gender will have to wait.” I was like, “FINE, I guess you can make sure he has all four chambers in his heart first.” *grumbles* Thankfully our little one was not shy about gender, and made it very clear to us right away that he was definitely a boy.
Things started to change a bit after the kicks started and we found out the gender. He seemed more human once I knew he was a “he.” We told our families his name at the same time as telling them his gender. We named him. He had a name after that. It was easier to mentally view him as a little person instead of a parasite. Plus, the second trimester is so much better than the first, you feel fairly normal and the baby Isn’t big enough to make you that uncomfortable… yet.
I was still awkward when people congratulated me though, other moms and grandmas and grandpas and pretty much anyone who saw I was pregnant wanted to start talking to me about baby items, and all the pregnancy symptoms, and if my kid was going to play soccer, or be on the swim team. And then there were the birth stories…
I felt like pregnancy was this incredibly personal experience that was also incredibly public. This thing was happening inside MY BODY, but after a certain point I couldn’t hide the fact that I was pregnant anymore, people just knew. So they would ask questions like “How are you feeling? Are you feeling any contractions? What are you craving? Do you have the nursery all set up? Are you nesting? YOU WILL!” It felt like I was having a 10 month long period that everyone knew was happening. Like can you imagine if periods were as public as pregnancy? Having strangers or people who are only acquaintances asking you questions like “Hey! You look great! How is your flow today? Are you having any cramping? I know the perfect essential oil to help with that bloating. Make sure to eat/don’t eat [insert latest fad] it could harm your uterus. What kind of tampon are you using?”
Just no.
Honestly, I cant be the only one out there that got pregnant and wasn’t excited about it and didn’t want to talk about it. I can’t be the only one who had an aversion to baby showers that was as strong as my aversion to chicken. Can I get a shout out from literally anyone else who felt the same way? Why do we act like pregnancy is the pinnacle of womanhood, and having a baby will make you whole? Why is “mother” an identity? Can we just pause for a moment before we start talking to pregnant people about their pregnancy? Like, maybe it’s not easy for them, maybe it’s not all unicorns and rainbows and asking what kind of swaddles they’re going to use is actually kind of a painful and stressful question. Maybe we should wait to be asked for our birth story or what kind of pacifier we recommend before offering that kind of information unsolicited. DUH.
That being said, the second trimester of my pregnancy wasn’t all bad. I started to not be so bitter about losing my office, and my freedom, and my ability to drink coffee. No I lied, I was still bitter about losing my ability to drink coffee (I had an aversion to it, I’m not judging you if you drink coffee while you are pregnant. I’m actually sort of jealous). Somehow the baby registry got made and I never had to go to a baby store and stand in front of a wall of sippy cups and try and decide what kind of sippy cup to get — thank you Amazon registries. The hand-me-down baby clothes got washed and sorted though, and the stroller and carseat arrived on our front step.
